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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981748">This Is Why You Don't Snoop</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergigglesx/pseuds/glittergigglesx'>glittergigglesx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Victorious (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cell Phones, Crack, Daddy Issues, F/M, Gen, Gossip, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Jade West Is A Troll, Snooping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:27:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,346</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergigglesx/pseuds/glittergigglesx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Victorious Gang are all notoriously nosy. No ones phone is safe from the others. When Jade gets a call from an embarrassing contact name, the others think it's finally a chance to embarrass her. Things don't go quite as planned.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beck Oliver/Jade West, Cat Valentine/Andre Harris Mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Is Why You Don't Snoop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A cracky short oneshot that got stuck in my head and was written out in about 20 minutes while quiet at work. Just pure cracky humour (well, I think it's funny at least, but you may not!) </p><p>Very briefly touches on subject matters of a sexual nature but nothing detailed or even racy. </p><p>As previously stated; pure crack.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jade had always known that her group of 'Friends' (she used the term loosely) were, for lack of a better word; nosy as all hell. Tori Vega (one of the ones she termed a 'friend' loosely) was the worst offender, but the others weren't so far behind; Andre would easily get swept up into Tori's nosy-escapades, Robbie liked to be included until the shit hit the fan then decidedly did NOT want to be included and bitched that he'd been 'dragged into it'. Cat just liked knowing things and found the whole thing fun and exciting. Even she wasn't immune, as she did like to find out people's secrets and either a) mock them for them or b) blackmail them. </p>
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<p></p><div><p>Beck was the only one immune to the 'nosiness' (well, he acted like he was immune. He really wasn't and made sure to get all of the details from Jade the second they were alone). So really, it wasn't all that surprising when the nosiness struck. And it wasn't too surprising that Beck wasn't there for it, instead he was stuck in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere Canada (her words, he described it as 'Quite nice, with a lake nearby and great views'). </p></div><div><p>It was a simple rule around the group that you never left phones when they were all hanging out; not because it was rude to the others, or for any reason to do with politeness. Oh no. It was for the simple fact that, if a phone was left unattended around any of them, it would be picked up and if the person knew or guessed the lock screen code, they would go through it. With glee and merriment. Texts would be read - which was how they found out that Andre and Cat had once hooked up at a party, which in turn caused Robbie to have a mental breakdown. Pictures would be looked at - Robbie still couldn't look Jade in the eye after he had found some rather...racy pictures of Jade on Beck's phone. SlapProfiles would be hacked and status's updated - the infamous time that Jade had written on Tori's wall coming to mind first, when she had posed the question 'If I put sand in my underwear, will it make the crabs feel more at home?', which had caused a serious discussion for the youngest Vega about responsible sexual activities from her parents, and Tori still hadn't fully forgiven Jade for it. </p></div><div><p>Jade, however, had managed to avoid all snooping. Mostly because her password was the birthdate of the director of The Scissoring, not exactly a date someone would expect. Thus, minus Beck, none of them could get any good gossip or blackmail material on her - and if Beck wanted to continue having awesome sex with her, he knew better than to spread around anything he found on her phone. So she didn't see the big deal of leaving her phone on the table at lunch while she nipped to the JetBrew cart to grab her lunch time fix. </p></div><div><p>When she returned and saw Tori with her phone in her hand, her eyes narrowed. The girl in question looked up and caught sight of Jade and a smirk turned up the corners of her lips. </p></div><div><p>"You missed a call Jade." She said in an overly sweet tone, and the horror-loving girl knew something was up due to the snickers and giggles coming from Cat, Robbie and Andre. </p></div><div><p>"And?" She snarled back, sitting down at her usual seat, not giving Tori the satisfaction of making a grab for her phone.</p></div><div><p>"You still call your dad 'Daddy'?" Andre asked with a huff of laughter, which quickly turned into a full-on belly laugh, at Rex's comment that came next. </p></div><div><p>"I didn't even know you had a father. Weren't you grown in a test tube or something?" The puppet asked in his usual dumb voice, causing the group to burst into laughter again as Jade rolled her eyes. </p></div><div><p>"Everyone has a father, you idiots." She huffed as it began to ring again, the word 'Daddy &lt; 3' appearing on the screen clear for all to see. It was so typical this had happened the one time she had left her phone on the table. The laughter, which had just started to die off, started up again full force as the name appeared on the screen, and Jade used the distraction to grab her phone back with a glare. They all managed to stifle their laughter when she did so, obviously hoping to hear part of an embarrassing conversation between her and her father. </p></div><div><p>Well, she could give them something embarrassing. But because she knew this group of idiots, they'd be the ones embarrassed. </p></div><div><p>With a smirk at them, she hit the 'Answer' button, holding the phone up to her ear. "Hi Beck." She cooed sweetly, which caused all of the laughter to stop at once, and not just because when Jade spoke sweetly, 80% of the time something bad was going to happen (20% of the time, she just wanted to sweet talk Beck or someone else) - Andre spat out the soda he was drinking with a choked cough, Tori's mouth dropped and her eyes widened and Rex and Robbie just turned to look at each other with faces similar to Tori's. Cat, however, just looked really confused. "Hm? Yeah, I miss you too...I've been so lonely without you here at <em>nights, </em>all alone in the RV." She stood up, the smirk not leaving her lips as she shouldered her bag, all too aware that it was just making it worse for the others - she didn't care much if anyone knew. Besides, it was better they knew it was a 'fun time name' for Beck, rather than thinking she actually called her own father 'Daddy', which just sounded weird even in her own head. And maybe they would learn their lesson about prying. "One sec, let me get away from the lunch table so we can talk...privately." She said the word with deliberate innuendo so thick that it was almost tangible. "Later losers." She told the group with one last smirk, before turning on her heel and walking towards the car park with a definite sway of her hips, where she'd no doubt just sit in her car on the phone to him (privacy was impossible to find in this damn school). </p></div><div><p>The lunch table was now quiet as the group processed exactly what had happened. Tori was an interesting shade of neon red, although Robbie, with his pale skin was even worse and resembled a lobster. Andre wasn't quite sure what to say or think for once in his life; that was far more information than he ever needed about his best friend's 'alone time' with his girlfriend. Cat just blinked and tilted her head to the side. </p></div><div><p>"Why...does she have Beck as 'Daddy' in her phone?" She asked curiously, causing Robbie to apparently choke on his own spit. </p></div><div><p>"Nothing to dwell on Cat." Tori answered quickly, in a futile attempt to save Cat's innocence - which was patchy at best, apparently; considering she had, as previously discovered via phone-stealing, hooked up with Andre at least once. </p></div><div><p>"Damn Oliver. I wouldn't have guessed he had it in him." Rex stated, once Robbie had managed to <em>not </em>choke to death on his own spit. "He's one lucky bastard."</p></div><div><p>Andre only managed to nod along with Rex's words (Robbie redundantly nodded too; of course, he agreed with the damn puppet - he was the one speaking through it. It was his thoughts) and just prayed that the new discovery didn't bring any wonky feelings back around Jade - because he really wouldn't mind her calling him 'Daddy'</p></div><div><p>instead. </p></div><div><hr/></div><div><p>Three days later, when Beck returned from Canada and joined the group at lunch, his arm slung around Jade, he had no clue why Tori, Robbie and Andre all seemed to clam up and stare at their plates for the whole of lunch time. </p></div><div><p>But Jade did - and she simply smirked and pressed a kiss to his neck. </p></div></div></div>
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